Welcome to the Study of Kyrie Eleison!

…a day makes! Yesterday I once again was putting out fires but my ability to give it God and keep my peace was much better! I went for a long walk and that makes all the difference!

I am not sure what God was trying to show me on Wednesday. Was He showing me that this is what my life would be like without Him? Or was that my bottom and now I am going up? I feel like I am going up! I am trying to keep my head looking up into the Son for sure!

I’m not sure how my love is doing. He is up to something. I don’t know if he wants me to respond but I can’t or don’t feel I should! So I won’t. He’s trying to break free and noone is helping him. I want to help him but I don’t think by me helping him it would set him free— truly free.  Unfortunately it might be backfiring and the noose is getting tighter.  I pray constantly for him.

In November of last year I felt God showed me why He was doing it this way and He gave me the word freedom.  Just recently I received the same word: freedom.  He wants us to be free and He did it this way so that we would be free… truly free! “If the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed!” —John 8:36  One of the definitions of “makes” is create! Yes! I like it! It’s not something we can do! It’s something He does! Yes we will be free because the Son created it!  (I hope you know that I’m not talking about physical freedom or getting away from something. I am talking about being free from other peoples thoughts and opinions and judgements and control.  It’s about acknowledging them but then thinking and doing something different because God tells you too and not being concerned about them since you know God will deal with them. You are doing what God has you do and that is all you can be responsible for. I hope that makes sense.)

I am headed up North to see my Mom— know I’ll be thinking and praying for you mightily!

So on to my story… my son has been being a teenager and actually posted that I was a dumb b**** on fb. Well, a friend of mine called me up almost in a panic about it.  I told her I knew about it. She was so insistent about what I was going to do about it and I really didn’t know… I was waiting and praying trying to figure it out.  As I said, she was in a panic and it was kind of weird because she seemed more upset about it than me! I told her that I could erase the post easily but then he wouldn’t learn anything. He has to learn something from this.

Later in the day I talked to her and she just got me really upset. She was implying that my son was doing drugs and he talked to her son about doing pills and that something was going on in school. Now I agree that something is going on school because he insists on being different and not being a part of the norm (which I applaud) but I don’t think he’s doing drugs. Especially pills. Fear immediately gripped me that he was doing all of this stuff. Now, of course, she didn’t know for a fact he was doing this and I just said I didn’t want to talk about it.  We talked for a little bit more about her problems and she actually said “I don’t like to think about it just like you don’t want to think about your son on drugs.” Nice.

So I got off the phone and realized that it was ridiculous that my son was on drugs. If he tried to smoke pot then it wasn’t around me because I would notice it right away. I am very sensitive to changes— I notice any slight difference almost immediately.

For a few days I was like really bothered that she did this. She has had problems with her son for years and even on the phone said that she thought about sending him away to a school because he was so disruptive and rebellious. This was the first I heard about that. But anyway, why would she try to get me fearful? That really bothered me.  My son has had his difficulties but it hasn’t been nearly as bad as her son and their problems and for as long.

I also have to say that she wants my son to back to the private Christian school that her son currently goes to and that my son left a couple years ago to go to a better local semi-private school. She has said that she has a “plan” to get all my kids back to the private school.  She is also controlling and manipulative.

Finally, on Monday I put the two together and came up with the following conclusion:  She is trying to get me to go back to her school by getting me fearful about where he is now! Remember— I said she is manipulative. I am not being mean in saying this. She has said that she can get anyone to do anything she wants and I’ve always wondered if she could do it to me or I would see through her. Well I did see through her, by the grace of God. It is a lesson I will not forget since I had the experience and I think it is a good experience to learn! What I learned is this:

“It is by instilling fear that people are able to manipulate you.”

I will post something later as well about my current state of mind! lol

It appears that confusion has crept into my realm. I am praying about it and I’ll share more from where I think it stems from— a girlfriend of mine.

I’m mopping the floor and trying to get things done before bed!

Miss you, my love!

I had a good weekend! As a task orientated person I enjoy getting things done and I feel as if I accomplished a lot around here!

The weather was beautiful so I went for long walks. It really is good for me to walk and think and pray! I actually was confident about what God is doing! It all made sense!   Today my flesh is getting in the way— wonder “how”.  I know this is my flesh and it’s not my place to worry and be concerned about it.  I will get back to my place of peace! All things are possible with God!

God is good. God is good to me! I believe I am getting closer to what He has for me! I had the sweetest dreams this weekend! All my dreams “speak” of good things happening in my life! They were of my love too!

One of my prayers is that I be put in the position to receive all that God has for me. Yes Lord! I cannot miss it! I cannot escape what God has for me! Amen!

I am trying to maintain this place of peace! As I said yesterday, if I “entertain” doubts and asks questions then that’s when I get into trouble! I am trying to maintain my faith in what God is doing!

I still feel as if I don’t know what’s going on in my personal and professional parts of my life!  I do have faith in my love.

I’ve been walking a lot and praying.  I still don’t know what God wants me to do or what He’d have me do! I’ve left it up to Him and nothing has happened! On my walk though I was thinking that this time has been good for me to learn about HIm and His ways and how to climb to the heights. So these tools I’ve been learning I will use to be successful!

Be with my love and bless him!

Adonai! Do not delay!

I am in a good place. I’d like to stay here for awhile!

It’s a place of peace. There’s this energy inside where joy and love springs from! I love to be in that place! I try and focus on staying there!

If I look at my circumstances or create question than I lose it. I need to trust and have faith!

I am missing my love. I always miss him but some days just aren’t that great. Today is that day. Just teary. Emotional. This is really hard.

I “see” times when we are together and we’re always happy and laughing. He sees things like I do or the way I do and the things I do! I can see us being shown a situation by our heavenly Father and together knowing what we are suppose to do to help.

He knows how I feel and I him.  He always knows what to do to make it better.  I just want to make him laugh and smile!

I can only imagine what it will be like. Every day full of joy!

All is well with me. Having issues with my teenage son. It’s tough having a teenage son! We’ve been fighting lately which is kind of unusual— atleast the way we are this time. I haven’t handled it correctly at all times. I think I have found out why… I forget that I am the parent and I get down in my flesh!

I always go back and try to right the wrong. Sometimes I don’t think he gets that the reason he gets punished is because he’s doing something wrong— not because I don’t love him!  Each child handles discipline differently. Depends on the personality type, I think and birth order! He’s my oldest and he’s a tough one! Always has been!

God is good. Always. And tonight as I start to get ready for bed I know this:  It is well with my soul